An Idiot's Quest on Writing Fan Fiction
by Roxius
Summary: Ed, Al, and Envy try their hand at writing yaoi fics. It doesn't work very well. Roy X Hughes and a little bit of Winry X Riza. Please R & r!


'Another day, another woman…' Roy Mustang thought pleasantly as he squeezed the ass of a female passer-by. The force of the woman's punch sent Roy into a spiraling daze, causing him to accidentally step into open traffic.

Suddenly, just as he was about to be crushed by a speeding truck, a shadowed figure the agility and grace of an circus clown flew through the air and tossed Roy onto the sidewalk, safely out of harm's way.

The shadowed figure landed in front of Roy and revealed to be none other than Maes Hughes wearing nothing but a bandana on his head that read 'JUSTICE: TAKE IT WITH CHICKEN!'.

"HOLY FUCK, MAN! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, LOOKING LIKE THAT?" Roy screamed. He was grateful that Hughes had saved him from a random incident, but seeing his savior's 'vitals' wasn't exactly pretty.

"What do you mean, old chum? I just saved your life!" Maes asked. Roy, who was shaken to the core, stood up and thought, 'It seems he doesn't realize that he's completely nude…'

Hughes smiled broadly and proclaimed, "TODAY, GOOD MAN, I DID SOMETHING THAT WOULD SEND ANY MAN INTO MADNESS!" "W-What's that…?" Roy asked nervously. He tried to not look below Hughes' waist.

"I ACCIDENTALLY DROPPED A PHOTO OF ELYSIA INTO THE FIRE PLACE, CAUSING IT TO EXPLODE INTO HORRIBLE, EVIL, ACURSED FLAMES!" exclaimed the naked man.

'Uh-oh…' Roy began to slow step back as Maes exploded into maniacal laughter. 'Oh no…Oh god no…the last time Hughes lost one of Elysia's photos…we lost an entire division of the State Military…' Roy thought.

Suddenly, something dark…something evil…flashed quickly across Hughes' eyes. His big grin grew into a smile full of malice and insanity. "You know what I must do now, Roy…" he hissed.

Slowly, the Lieutenant Colonel pulled a knife out from his bandanna.

Roy knew that Hughes was a little crazy, but he was going to far this time. Roy put his hands up in self-defense and shouted, "H-Hughes, listen to me! PUT THE FUCKIN' KNIFE DOWN! PUT IT DOWN AND PUT ON SOME PANTS!"

Unfortunately, it was no use. Hughes had lost any trace of sanity he had left. Letting out a loud insidious screech, Hughes leapt at Roy and swung the knife. Roy quickly bent down, the knife barely missing his face.

Seeing this as a chance to attack, Roy slammed his foot against Hughes' chest and-

* * *

"HOLD IT!"

Al looked up from his computer and asked, "What's wrong, big brother? Aren't I good at writing fan fiction?"

Edward slapped Al across the face (even though it wouldn't hurt him) and shouted, "DO YOU ACTUALLY THINK THIS IS GOOD? IT HAS BARELY ANY PLOT AND YOU PURPOSELY MADE HUGHESS NAKED! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WRITING YAOI HERE, AL! GET WITH IT!"

Al punched Edward in the face and ran out of the room, bawling like a baby. Edward rubbed his cheek and muttered, "Yeesh…he better not have broken my jaw…"

After a few minutes, Ed was at the computer desk and began to type. "Okay, I'll make this into a stupid yaoi fic even if it kills me…" Edward proclaimed as he fingers dashed across the keyboard.

* * *

_The Bunny is cute._

_The Bunny is nice._

_Pet the Bunny._

_Please treat the Bunny kindly…or you will die._

* * *

Ed's eye twitched slightly as he read the few short sentences of crap he had just typed up. 'Maybe Al really IS better at writing fan fiction than me…' Ed thought as he quickly deleted everything he had just written.

Ed got out of his seat and ran off to find Al. However, he did not notice that Envy was hiding in the shadows. With an insane grin on his face, the Homunculus sat down at the computer and started typing…

* * *

Roy let out an unsettled sigh as Hughes' tongue moved gently across his chest. Empty beer bottles and papers were sprawled all over the floor. Both of the men were shirtless. "You like that…don't you…?" Hughes whispered as he began to move his hands down Roy's pants…

* * *

After an hour of reading that single paragraph, Envy realized that yaoi wasn't really appealing to him. He erased the words 'Roy' and 'Hughes' and added something new…

* * *

Winry let out an unsettled sigh as Riza's tongue moved gently across her chest. Empty beer bottles and newspapers were sprawled all over the floor. Both of the girls were wearing nothing but their bra and panties. "You like that…don't you…?" Riza whispered as her hands slid down Winry's panties…

* * *

Envy giggled at his successful writing skills. Or were they actually successful? 'Hmm…I need to challenge myself somehow. But I need to do it before that idiot Ed gets back…' thought the green-haired Homunculus.

Suddenly, he had an idea. "I'll ask Lust to let me take some pictures of her fucking Gluttony!" he proclaimed happily before running off like a retard.

Later that day, Envy was found horribly massacred with a note on his face that read 'FUCKIN' DUMBASS'. Also, Ed had a seizure from reading the story about Winry and Riza.


End file.
